The Grace Of Jesus leaves no room for baggage...

      "The Grace Of Jesus Leaves No Room For Baggage..."

If your anything like me (human) then you come with past baggage. Baggage that weighs on your heart. 

Growing up, I always felt like having Dystonia was MY fault. I wanted to feel loved in so many ways. Love that could only come from Jesus. 

I talk about working at Chick-fil-A, and how Jesus just knew that my heart needed broken down. When I came to Chick-fil-A, I in fact came broken. I came with a fair share of baggage that began to weigh me down and affect others. Craig would always say "Chels. Jesus loves you, and so do we." My heart was blocked with anger. 

It wasn't until I left Chick-fil-A that I realized how those words "Jesus loves you", was truth. The last thing Craig had said to me was "Keep asking those tough questions. Spend some time wrestling with the Lord. HE can handle all your sass." 

I did just that. I soon started a new chapter in life working at the ABA Clinic. I very quickly moved to the Preschool Dept and became their lead teacher. I never planned on staying at the clinic as long as I have. Sometimes, the Lord needs for us to see a brand new perspective that we could never if we didn't move from where we were at. Never in a million years did I think my heart would fall in love with these sweet kids. 

I began to see a light I had never seen before. My heart was draining into a deep ocean that I couldn't help any longer. I needed the Lord to step in...I went on to fail my RBT State exam by 15 points and I was sure that Jesus was not whom he said he was. You know that saying "Once a failure, always one." Ok. Maybe I just totally made that up in my head but I truly believed that. 

I wanted to love Jesus like Craig Sample, like Dennis Thompson, Matt Burrell The truth was I didn't. 

I would catch myself telling others that Jesus wasn't "real", and I would hear my best friend Emily reply back "That's so far from the truth and you know it." During that time I became wild and wanted the "party life". The Lord put the Burrell's in my life during this time hardcore. I will never forget one day I was teaching and looked down at my apple watch to see "And it's people like you who he died for and they choose not to love him." That. THAT. Hit my heart in a way I can't explain to this day. 

That next Sunday I would be in church at Middletown Church Of The Naz. alone. Telling myself that it was just this one time. I was going to clear my guilt of not wanting Jesus, not loving him like I should've, and then I was outta. Not realizing that I would make Middletown my HOME church for the years to come. 

It didn't take too long for me to plug into a small groups. When I plugged in and let them in...I realized that they loved me right where I was at. Broken and all. They wanted to be my friend. They wanted to pray for me and with me. They wanted to know more about me and my heart. 

Fast forward to these last few weeks.

Where my life just feels like a waste. Like I missed a turn or took a wrong turn. Preschool is over and I officially stepped down from my lead position. My heart broken into a million and one pieces. I spoke at graduation last week and went home and lost it. These kids have been with me for a few years, and honestly have been my saving grace. I wasn't sure where the Lord would place me or what he would do. To be honest I am still unsure. I am at the Clinic still and jumped back to one on one therapy with the littles. 

The problem now is that I feel like I am missing a piece of my heart. Like that Jesus is about to call me to something hard but powerful. I keep telling him that he would have to open some pretty big doors that no man could shut for me to walk through and leave the clinic. 

All my life I knew that dating would be really hard. I knew that dystonia would be a "turn off", and I understood that fully. I was just settling down and had told the Lord I was really okay with single life if that is what his plans are for me. I had so much baggage with the dating world that when Jacob asked me out on a date...I was pretty guarded. I am so thankful for Jacob. The times he listens to my worries and knows my fears. He is such an encouragement to me. 

I say all of this because I realize I have been MIA for a few years and have been focused on my podcast. 

Baggage was and has been on my heart lately. Maybe someone else needs to hear this but your baggage isn't what the Lord wants us to live in. The Lord wants us to talk about it with him, and ask for help through it. He doesn't want us to stay in living in our own baggage. That is something I really struggle with. I want to live in my baggage so many times. I want to tell myself over and over again how much of a failure I am. That is not how the Lord sees me or you. 

Life has been extra hard these last few weeks for me and my heart. I have kept to myself. Because of Jesus...our baggage was taken at the cross. I don't know about you but my mind can't wrap around that kind of love. The unfailing love. The nights where you feel so alone. That love that stands. That love that stands when you make millions of mistakes. 

I will leave you with this. 

The grace of Jesus leaves no room for baggage. 

HIS grace is enough. 

-If your struggling like I am it's OK. It's OK to struggle. I am praying for you tonight my friend. That you will know that Jesus loves you. He loves you so much that he died on the cross for you and I. That we would be forgiven. My friend, know you mean the world to our Father. 

Love always,

Chelsi